Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Stay Connected

By Mary Kay Williams

Information has come out regarding Cho Seung-Hui and his mental state months and even years before the April 16th shootings at Virginia Tech. A New York Times article reports that teachers and fellow students had become very concerned about him, due mostly to his work in several creative writing and playwriting classes held on the Virginia Tech campus.

Some of the concerned came together and met several times regarding the best way to handle Cho. They struggled with balancing artistic expression against the need to take official or even legal action. And indeed, how does one handle this?

Imagine a casual group of writers that share work through the Internet. What if one member’s submissions started to turn dark, morbid, or frightening? When is it appropriate for someone who is at best a casual online acquaintance step in and ask the writer what is going on?

Or a high school student tells her parents that a friend has made some disturbing comments about suicide, but that child is very clear that she don’t want her parents getting involved, at the risk of the troubled friend becoming angry with her?

“The general rule for not keeping confidentiality is whenever a person
clearly hints at or mentions the possibility of suicide or murder,
confidentiality goes out the window” says Thomas Franz, Professor in Counseling and Educational Psychology from University at Buffalo’s Graduate School of Education. Dr. Franz, who has written extensively on the process of grieving – and especially coping with the death of a child, adds:

“Of course the assumption is that getting the information into the hands of a responsible person will result in the student getting help from the system to avert the possible death. It usually does in the short run, but sooner or later (usually sooner) the student is "released" back into the community and life goes on.
The pain that led to the problem in the first place may or may not be gone.”

This doesn’t imply that official intervention is not beneficial, but it should be a collective responsibility – the kind of human caring that we hope to see in all situations. Call it paying it forward, or the “It takes a Village” mindset – we need to be willing to reach out to not just family and friends, but to casual acquaintances and even strangers.

Dr. Franz continues, “In doing suicide prevention programs in the schools,
we say that most suicides are prevented by simple acts of
friendship--things you might do without any thought of preventing
suicide, but that involve just being a good friend. Noticing when
somebody seems to be having a bad day, acting differently, being more
sullen, withdrawing, talking about violence, etc. and saying
something to the person about it. ‘You seem pretty quiet today.
Everything OK?’ ”

He concludes with these thoughts:

“Most people who attempt suicide or murder are disconnected from
meaningful human contact. The goal in prevention is to connect with
them, build a supportive network of people around them who care and
will pay attention whether by talking at length with them, doing
things with them, or just saying ‘Hi, howya doin?’ ”

In this industrial, digitized, ASAP society, we deal with the paradox of both the expansion and tightening of our personal boundaries. Emails, electronic bulletin boards, My Space and You Tube allow unbelievable ability to make contact with huge numbers of people, yet the very tools that allow us to do more, cause stress as we move overburdened and harried from one task to the next. Cell phones, iPods and SUVs may give us solace, comfort or convenience, but they can also create isolation.

We need to find a balance of awareness and compassion along with fulfilling our own needs. More often we need to ask each other, “Hi, howya doin?”

For more from this talented writer, click here.

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